So you know that I'm straight, right?
by Snavej
Summary: Gene is straight. He likes girls. And nothing will convince him otherwise. Because two male friends holding hands and kissing does not change the fact that he's definitely straight, right? [GENE IS HOPELESS, GH AU]


"Noll?"

Oliver looked up from his book to see his brother standing in front of him.

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk?"

Oliver shrugged and waved airily at the space on the sofa next to him, then returned his attention to his book. Gene, instead of taking a seat like normal person, chose to sit on the arm of the sofa, and use the seat as a footrest.

"What's wrong?" Oliver prompted.

"So you know I'm straight, right?"

Oliver did not look up, but his eyes stopped moving across the page.

"Yes."

"You know, I have kissed a lot of girls! And last year I slept with that girl from that club and stuff, right?"

"You can spare me the details," Oliver muttered. "But do get to the point."

"So I was at the gym this morning and I worked out and everything was fine. And then I…" Gene hesitated. Oliver looked up and noticed his twin's cheeks were red. "Well I went to shower and change and well you've been in those changing rooms. Everyone just sort of strips off and stuff and—"

"I do not want to picture that so if you could—"

"There was this guy and I happened to see him, you know, naked and then I…" Gene grimaced. "Well I…"

"Gene," Oliver said warningly.

"I got a boner!" Gene practically shouted.

Oliver screwed his face up.

"You're a healthy young man," Oliver managed to say. "That's not—"

"Because of the guy!" Gene added. He hid his face in his hands.

Oliver pinched the top of his nose.

"Perhaps," Oliver said in a quiet voice, "Well, when exercising, the blood goes to your muscles, right? And then after maybe it was just… Redistributing and you happened to be near this guy."

"You think?" Gene asked, looking up.

"Sure?"

"And then I felt turned on because I had a boner, not the other way around. Sure. That makes sense."

Gene nodded fervently as he thought this through.

"Great, are you going—"

"And it doesn't matter that he was quite attractive. A bit skinny. And his hair was all over the place but he had just gotten out of the shower. He had pretty eyes too—"

"Gene?"

"Yes?"

"I thought you were trying to convince me you were straight?"

Gene frowned.

"I thought we just agreed that I was?"

"Sure." Oliver rolled his eyes and returned to his book. "Are you making dinner?"

"Uh… Yeah…?" Gene jumped off the sofa and headed through to the kitchen. "Wait, you don't think he saw it do you?"

"You're probably never going to see him again, please can we stop discussing your penis? Especially if you're going to cook?"

"Right, yeah, of course."

Gene disappeared into the kitchen. Oliver soon heard the clanging of pots and pans and he sighed. His brother was hopeless.

* * *

"Noll?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk?"

Oliver looked up from his desk to see his brother standing in his bedroom doorway.

"Of course," he muttered, gesturing to his bed. "Take a seat."

Gene perched on the edge of Oliver's bed and twisted his hands against each other.

"You remember we had that conversation a few weeks back?"

"Which one? We have had many conversations…" Oliver did not look up from the mathematical scribbles on the piece of paper in front of him.

"The one about me being definitely straight despite that guy?"

Oliver grimaced.

"Yes, I remember."

"What's that face for?" Gene asked, offended.

"Is this another conversation about your penis? Because I really—"

"No! It's not. It's just… I saw that guy again at the gym today. He wanted to use the lat pulldown at the same time as me so we ended up sharing it. You know, taking it in turns to do sets and stuff."

"Okay?"

"And he asked if I wanted to go to the pub with him after, you know, just as friends to get to know each other better and—"

"Did he specify 'just as friends'?" Oliver asked.

"Well, no, but I'm straight so—"

"He might not be," Oliver pointed out.

"Okay but he wasn't flirting with me, he was just being nice."

Oliver sighed, put down his pencil and turned in his chair.

"And how was he acting when he was 'just being nice'?"

"Well," Gene thought for a moment, "He was just smiling and making jokes and stuff."

"Did he compliment you?"

"He said my form was good? But we were at a gym that's normal!"

"Gene, do you remember when I told you I was interested in that girl and you told me I should smile, use humour and compliment her?"

"Yes?"

"How is his behaviour any different?"

Gene's mouth fell open.

"Do you think he might be gay?" he asked.

"It's a possibility. Now was there a point to this or—"

"Well I said yes so after we'd showered — seperately I should add — we walked to that pub near the gym, not the one that plays all the sports on the TV, the other one."

"Right, and?"

"Well we got a drink and chatted for ages and then somehow I ended up holding his hand, but that's not weird is it? Friends hold hands, right?"

"Gene, the last time I held anyone's hand was when we were eight and you were scared about Martin and Luella adopting us… I'm possibly not the best person to be asking about this."

"Yeah, but you don't like touching people in general so that's not a valid data point," Gene said. "Other people hold hands though, right?"

Oliver tried to think.

"Masako and Mai held hands that one time they dragged us to a bar," he remembered. "But I think that's because they were scared of losing each other in the crowd."

Gene failed to hear the last part.

"Right! They did! And they're just friends, right? Because Mai is into you and Masako— Well I have no idea about her but, they hold hands and are friends so it's fine!"

"Sure."

"I'm definitely straight. I've just made a new friend."

"What's his name?" Oliver asked.

"Yasuhara, well, his full name is Osamu Yasuhara, but he does by his surname. He's studying law and he's really passionate about human rights and stuff. That's what he wants to do after graduating, he wants to work for like the UN or something. He was telling me about this international law module he was doing—"

"Gene."

"Right, sorry, I'll leave you to your work."

"Thank you."

Gene jumped off the bed and made to leave.

"And it's normal for friends to ask the other over for dinner, right?" he added from the doorway.

Oliver decided to tell Gene what he wanted to hear.

"Yes. Perfectly normal."

"Good."

Gene left. Oliver glanced after him. Hopeless.

* * *

"Noll?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you doing the laundry so late?"

Oliver looked up to see his brother standing in the kitchen doorway.

"I forgot to do it earlier," Oliver explained as he sifted out clothes from the pile. Some things could not be tumble dried.

"Do you have a minute? I just need to talk to—"

"Yes, what is it?"

Gene smiled and jumped up to sit on the work surface.

"So you remember a few weeks back we had that conversation about that guy from the gym — this isn't about my dick, I swear!"

"Yes, I remember," Oliver said tersely. "What of it?"

"Well I just got back from dinner with him, at his place…"

"He has his own place?"

"No, he has a housemate, but she was out."

"Okay, so what's the problem?" Oliver asked.

"Well, for starters he's a really good cook, like seriously. I practically came in my mouth that lamb was so good—"

"He can afford lamb?"

"He said it was a special treat because I was coming over. Honestly, it was better than Luella's cooking."

Oliver raised an eyebrow at this. Their mother, who was now semi retired, had a lot of time on her hands and spent most of that time cooking in one form or another.

"And that's a problem?" Oliver asked.

"Well it's not as long as he invites me over again," Gene said with a laugh, "No the problem is that after dinner, we sort of chilled on his sofa. Like we had a film on the TV but neither of us was really watching it. We were more talking and stuff."

"And that is a problem?" Oliver asked again.

"No, I'd seen the film before. No, but, we ended up holding hands again, which," Gene hastened to add, "We have already discussed and that's normal and not a problem for friends. But then I might have kissed him?"

"Might have?" Oliver asked.

"It was just on the cheek it was nothing serious. Friends do that, right? I've seen Masako kiss Mai on the cheek—"

"When they are both very drunk, yes."

"And they're just friends," Gene finished, not hearing his brother. "What is happening between you and Mai anyway?"

"Nothing. But don't change the subject. Do you want to kiss him again?"

"Well, I… I mean… He's very nice! And attractive! But we're just friends," Gene insisted. "And I'm straight so it would just be weird if I kissed him ag—"

"So straight people are allowed to kiss their friends just once?" Oliver asked. "Is that how it works?"

"I think that sounds reasonable."

"Okay," Oliver said as he pushed half the washing into the dryer and set it off.

He picked up the washing basket and walked into the hallway, where they had a clothes horse set up. Gene followed him and together they began to hang up the remained of the wet clothes.

"So, because he cooked for me I offered to cook for him, this weekend," Gene said after a few minutes of silence.

"Okay."

"So I was wondering if you could vacate the house for a few hours…?" Gene asked in a quiet voice.

Oliver smirked, hidden by the dangling clothes.

"And why would I need to do that, if you're just friends? It's not like you're going to be doing anything untoward, are you?"

"What? No! Of course not."

"Besides," Oliver went on, "I'd like to meet him. Perhaps we could be friends too."

"No!" Gene insisted, then softened his voice, "No, you should definitely go the library or something. Go and see Mai."

"I told you, nothing is happening between me and her," Oliver muttered. "But if this means so much to you, I'll leave you two _friends_ alone…"

"Great," Gene beamed, "Just for like, Saturday afternoon. That's all. We're just going to have lunch and chill for a bit."

"Netflix and chill?"

"Yeah we could watch some Net— What? Eww! No, Noll, you're gross. Where did you learn that? Would you do that with one of your friends?"

"I don't have any friends," Oliver said, standing up. "And you owe me one."

"Yes, of course, you're the best brother I've ever had!"

"I'm the only brother you've ever had."

"Don't ruin the moment."

Gene practically skipped away to his room.

Oliver sighed.

* * *

Oliver had left the house a little after midday and spent the entire afternoon in the library. A little after six, he packed up and started to walk home, figuring that he had given Gene and his _friend_ enough time alone.

Honestly.

Gene was so clueless it hurt.

He unlocked the front door, stepped inside and locked up again.

"I'm home," he called as he walked down the hallway and into the liv—

"Noll!" Gene's panicked voice came from the other side of the sofa. "You're home!"

He jumped up, grabbing his t-shirt and using it to cover himself.

"Yes, it's half six," Oliver stated. "Can I ask why you are naked in the living room?"

"I'm not!"

Oliver raised an eyebrow.

"And I suppose your 'just a friend' isn't naked under that blanket on the sofa, right?"

"I am totally clothed," a voice from under the blanket on the sofa said. "But please do not pull this blanket off me just yet."

"Gene?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I have a word, in the hallway, once you have redressed?"

"Yes."

Oliver strode out of the living room and into the hallway, where he waited. He could hear Gene scrambling for clothes and swearing. His twin appeared a moment later, now wearing boxers and a t-shirt.

"So, you remember we had that conversation about you getting an erection at the gym?"

"Yes?"

"And you remember that conversation we had about you holding hands with 'just a friend'?"

"Yes..."

"And you remember that conversation about you kissing 'just a friend?"

"Yes."

"Are you now going to tell me that making out with 'just a friend' completely naked on the sofa is also something 'just friends' do and that you are still 'definitely straight'?" Oliver deadpanned.

"Well, about that," Gene began, "We were just chatting and then…" He floundered for words. "It just sort of happened!"

"Are you intoxicated?"

"What? No, don't be ridiculous."

"So to summarise. You are completely sober and making out with another man, who you think is nice and attractive and who obviously turns you on, but you are still straight?"

"Yes." Gene folded his arms across his chest. "What's your point?"

Oliver sighed pointedly, then pushed past his brother and into the living room, where the man he presumed was Gene's 'just a friend' was waiting, now dressed.

"Hi, I'm Oliver," Oliver said. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Noll, stop it—"

"Sure," Yasuhara said. "What's this—"

"You're gay, right?"

"Noll, that's rude!"

"Yes?" Yasuhara answered.

"Noll, please—" Gene begged. Oliver pushed him away and continued.

"And can you describe to me the nature of your relationship with my brother?"

"Noll—"

"Shut up, Gene."

"Well," Yasuhara began, "I thought that much was clear?"

"Please, clarify for me."

"Well I thought I was dating your brother… And I'd kind of like it to continue if that's okay?"

"And just to be extra clear, you mean this romantically, right? You consider Gene as something more than 'just a friend'?"

"Yes? What's this about?"

"And you think Gene is gay?" Oliver asked.

"Well I was getting more of a bi-vibe, but…" Yasuhara looked between Gene and Oliver. "What's going on?"

"Noll! I—"

"Gene, somehow — and I really don't know how, I swear he's supposed to be intelligent — still seems to think he is straight," Oliver said.

"I like girls!" Gene protested. "I—"

"Can you explain bisexuality to him?" Oliver asked. "I don't think I have the patience for this right now. I'm going to go up to my room. It was nice meeting you, I hope you two sort this out. Oh, and if next time you could make out in his bedroom rather than on a sofa I want to sit on, that would be great."

Oliver strode from the room, leaving a gaping Gene and an amused Yasuhara in his wake. He retreated to his own bedroom and waited.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Noll?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yes."

Gene took a seat next to his brother on the bed.

"So Yasuhara and I have had a chat," he began. "And I have come to the conclusion that I am possibly not straight…"

"Oh really?" Noll said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "What clued you into that?"

Gene punched his twin on the arm.

"Shut up."

"You have no idea how painful it was to watch you."

"Yeah," Gene rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah…"

"So did you ask him out?" Oliver asked.

"No, he asked me. I said yes. I have a boyfriend and I'm not straight. Wow, this has been a crazy day."

"Yes," Oliver agreed.

"Thanks, you know, for putting up with me," Gene mumbled. "I was wondering… If I cook, can Yasuhara stay a bit longer? I'd like it if you'd get to know him a bit…"

"I thought he was a good cook?"

"He is, but I can't ask him to cook!"

"He was naked on my sofa—"

"Our sofa."

"—So you can ask him to do anything really."

Gene rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I'll get him to help," he compromised. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it is," Oliver said, smiling. "I'll agree to anything as long as you stop claiming to be straight."

"Really?"

"No."

Gene laughed and stood up.

"I'll shout when dinners ready?"

"Okay," Oliver said, smiling at his twin.

"I love you, Noll."

"Yeah I know."

* * *

 **Author's note: So I found this post on tumblr where this guy had posted in a forum asking for advice because he was *totally straight* but really into this one guy and I had to write it so... This happened! Please review :)**


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